Nov. 22nd, 2011 02:22 am
mooglets: (Default)
So this is a thing. You don’t need to read.

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I first wrote this something like three weeks ago.


I am beginning of think that one of the reasons I like Jane Austen so much is that (aside from the fact that she’s basically a satirist and a feminist and a great character writer) her romances were written at a time when there were strict guidelines as to how people were expected to act. There are rules to follow, expected actions to take, set amounts of time people could be with one another (fifteen minutes or half hour visiting times and so on).

It’s like, everything conforms to a set rule book, and the rules are easy to follow - someone does this, so someone else must do that, you can’t do this, they can’t do that - and so on.

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Nov. 11th, 2011 02:05 am
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Context: I'm living with my parents again after a messy break-up with a man who turned out to be an absolute dick. I was house sharing with him and my best friend, but three months into the house share the dick left me and so I and my best friend spent nine months house sharing, just the two of us. I also started dating another man, who was lovely, but that relationship ended about three, maybe four months ago. Now, six months after the house share contract ended, I'm back with my parents, my best friend is living a good two or three hours away and my other best friend lives in Canada and has done for the past three years.


So. I'm lonely.

I don't have anyone other than my younger brother and has wife to hang out with now and then - but it's not really the same, because he's my brother, and she's my sister, and they and by extension their friends whom I also hang with on occasion, are also an awful lot younger than me.

That doesn't bother me so much normally, at least I have people to talk to, right? 

What bothers me is that, sometimes, I just want a good cuddle. 

I don't know if the fact that I'm aromantic and asexual plays into this at all? I don't want another relationship - I've been there and done that and as much as I liked my last partner, I didn't enjoy the actual relationship part of the relationship - I just want someone who knows me, whom I can trust, someone who doesn't mind that now and then, I want to cuddle. 

I miss that. I miss being able to snuggle on the sofa and watch crap TV or crap movies. I miss that silent communication, that understanding. And I want it back. 

But I can't have it, because I'm living in an area where there's nothing to do, nowhere to go to meet people, I can't drive, so I can't go visit my friend, I don't have a job, so I'm not getting that daily interaction with people that would wear me down and make me not want any more of it. 

I'm not depressed - believe me, I have been depressed, I've been there and done that, got the left over anti-depressants, amongst other things, to prove it - I'm just lonely and fed up of being lonely. And I can't, right now, figure out a way to fix it. 

Unfortunately, this is all coming out in my being irritated by everything around me. Other people being happy irritates me. My grandfather - who is living here as well - is irritating me in numerous ways. My parents are irritating me in numerous ways. I irritate myself from time to time. The nieghbours irritate me. The news irritates me. The house irritates me. Everything irritates me.

I think the only thing that doesn't? Is my cats. I have two. At least I can get cuddles out of them. 

I'm just a very tactile person. But only in certain circumstances. And none of them are being met, so I'm getting antsy and irritable. And I don't know what to do about it. 


I just needed to get this off my chest.
mooglets: (Default)
Just going to put up a quick introduction to myself - copy-pasted from my Tumblr About Me page, before I get on to other things. 

This blog is most likely going to turn into my corner to rant about personal things, like asexuality for instance.

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