Lonely

Nov. 11th, 2011 02:05 am
mooglets: (Default)
[personal profile] mooglets
Context: I'm living with my parents again after a messy break-up with a man who turned out to be an absolute dick. I was house sharing with him and my best friend, but three months into the house share the dick left me and so I and my best friend spent nine months house sharing, just the two of us. I also started dating another man, who was lovely, but that relationship ended about three, maybe four months ago. Now, six months after the house share contract ended, I'm back with my parents, my best friend is living a good two or three hours away and my other best friend lives in Canada and has done for the past three years.

---

So. I'm lonely.

I don't have anyone other than my younger brother and has wife to hang out with now and then - but it's not really the same, because he's my brother, and she's my sister, and they and by extension their friends whom I also hang with on occasion, are also an awful lot younger than me.

That doesn't bother me so much normally, at least I have people to talk to, right? 

What bothers me is that, sometimes, I just want a good cuddle. 

I don't know if the fact that I'm aromantic and asexual plays into this at all? I don't want another relationship - I've been there and done that and as much as I liked my last partner, I didn't enjoy the actual relationship part of the relationship - I just want someone who knows me, whom I can trust, someone who doesn't mind that now and then, I want to cuddle. 

I miss that. I miss being able to snuggle on the sofa and watch crap TV or crap movies. I miss that silent communication, that understanding. And I want it back. 

But I can't have it, because I'm living in an area where there's nothing to do, nowhere to go to meet people, I can't drive, so I can't go visit my friend, I don't have a job, so I'm not getting that daily interaction with people that would wear me down and make me not want any more of it. 

I'm not depressed - believe me, I have been depressed, I've been there and done that, got the left over anti-depressants, amongst other things, to prove it - I'm just lonely and fed up of being lonely. And I can't, right now, figure out a way to fix it. 

Unfortunately, this is all coming out in my being irritated by everything around me. Other people being happy irritates me. My grandfather - who is living here as well - is irritating me in numerous ways. My parents are irritating me in numerous ways. I irritate myself from time to time. The nieghbours irritate me. The news irritates me. The house irritates me. Everything irritates me.

I think the only thing that doesn't? Is my cats. I have two. At least I can get cuddles out of them. 

I'm just a very tactile person. But only in certain circumstances. And none of them are being met, so I'm getting antsy and irritable. And I don't know what to do about it. 

Ugh. 

I just needed to get this off my chest.
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

mooglets: (Default)
mooglets

November 2011

S M T W T F S
  12345
6789 10 1112
13141516 171819
2021 2223242526
27282930   

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 21st, 2017 10:36 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios